When I counsel families who are facing a custody battle, it is not uncommon for parents to lose their focus on the actual needs of the children involved. That statement may at first cause you to have a somewhat defensive defensive reaction, a tendency to ask what I could possibly mean by that. Aren’t children the primary focus of a custody battle? Please bear with me while I explain…
Many times, by the time a couple gets to the point of divorce, there is a long history of negative feelings and adversarial interaction between them. Even though both parents may want the best for their children, their perceptions of their child’s needs can be influenced by the antagonistic feelings they have toward their ex-spouse.
In this situation, one of the most important elements of good parenting is the parent’s ability to subordinate his or her needs to the needs of the child. When a parent begins to understand this, he or she will become a much better parent and a much better candidate for custody. It is essential to keep your negative feelings toward your former spouse from damaging your child’s relationship with and perceptions of him or her.
In the majority of cases, each parent has a right to a relationship with their child, and the child has a right to a relationship with both parents. Once you can recognize this truth in your circumstances, you will have a much better ability to focus on what is genuinely best for your child. In turn, you will then be more qualified to prevail in your pursuit of a favorable custody agreement.
When it comes to deciding custody arrangements, courts tend to show preference to parents who are respectful and cooperative during divorce proceedings. When you can train yourself to truly view the needs of your child without the bias of any residual negativity toward the other parent, you will have positioned yourself to be at a great advantage in your custody dispute.
Along with any advice I can give you on this web site, you can greatly improve your chances of prevailing in your custody dispute if you obtain a copy of the Psychologists’ Child Custody Strategies. Packed with far more information than I could possibly present in this blog, this book has made an enormous difference in the lives of many of my patients. You can get more information about this guide, and several others that I highly recommend, on the Resources page of this site.
