Even under the best of circumstances, a divorce and child custody dispute is difficult and emotionally draining. When you are in the midst of this type of situation, many times, doing what is best for your children means taking good care of yourself. If you are mentally stable, well-rested, and fulfilled, it can help you truly concentrate on what your children need, how they are doing, and how you can best parent them. Therefore, it is important to give serious thought to how you will use your time when the children are out of your house spending time with their other parent.
As a society we tend to focus on the children — what it is like for them to switch homes, how to help them make smooth transitions – but at these times it is often more difficult for the parent who is left behind. The following list will give you some things to consider to improve your well-being, so that you can be at your best when the children return.
- In the days leading up to when the children are leaving, think about what you would like to do while they are away. Make plans to spend time with people you really enjoy. If no one is available, decide to do something you really love, like reading a good book or renting a move you always wanted to see.
- During the moments when the children are leaving, try to be organized. Give brief, loving, and calm goodbyes, and make sure that they understand that all of you will be fine, and this is a good thing for them to do. If they see you fighting back tears or suspect you will be lonely, they will worry about you while they are gone, thus making it difficult to enjoy their time with their other parent.
- Make sure to remember that it is almost always best for the children to have a close relationship with both of their parents. Do everything you can to facilitate a strong bond between your children and your ex-spouse.
- While the kids are away, do your best to stay occupied. During the day, you can keep yourself busy with your work, housework, shopping, or other daily tasks that you would like to catch up on. In the evenings or on weekends, treat yourself. Buy tickets for a show or, enjoy a nice dinner out – whatever you can do to ensure that the time without your children is special for you.
- Make sure that you have enough information to set your mind at ease about the children’s whereabouts when they are gone. Have the phone numbers of where they will be, but call only occasionally – just enough to reassure yourself. Providing them with pre-paid phone cards is another way to put your mind at ease; if you know they can call you whenever they need to, you will worry less.
Yes, it will be difficult the first few times your children leave to visit their other parent. However, if you have a plan, and make sure to take advantage of the time while they are gone to care for yourself, your will be building a good foundation on which all of your lives can move forward.
