You and your spouse have tried, but you’ve decided that you just can’t make it work. It’s time for a divorce. Now you must face the emotionally draining task of dividing up your belongings, negotiating finances, and basically dismantling everything you’ve built during the time you were together.
However, if the two of you have children together, this adds yet another element to consider. It is vital that you remind yourself that the children are simply passengers along for this ride through the divorce journey and any resulting custody dispute. You must do the best you can to maintain as much stability as possible their lives.
Many children feel lost and insecure when their parents divorce, and they often may blame themselves for the failure of their parents’ marriage. These emotions are not limited to younger children; older children also experience these feelings. When parents split up and child custody is determined, children experience enormous changes in many aspects of their lives. It is up to you as parents to make these transitions as smooth as possible.
One way you can do this is to agree that you will NEVER fight in front of your children. When children witness these confrontations, particularly when they involve issues such as child support or custody, they typically feel a need to take “sides” in the divorce. Obviously, this will be extremely detrimental to the parent/child relationship.
Likewise, you should never use your children as pawns in the fight against your spouse. When children are forced to listen to constant criticism of one parent by their other parent, they suffer lasting damage. This behavior can ultimately lead to the alienation of the child from the parent (Parental Alienation Syndrome), where the child has had their emotions manipulated to such a degree that the bond between the parent and child are destroyed.
In my next article, I will discuss additional ways that you can make your divorce as manageable as possible for your children.
